Its been eight whole years for today, since I stopped living, a conscious decision then made. A vibrant social being had almost turned into a corporate slave, numb on feelings, pessimist on life and (seemingly) immune to the little pleasures in life. I had lost the vision, chasing a mirage, hiding beneath hides of labels, jargons and templates. Tragedies, emotional burnouts, denials and conflicts turned me into an unforgiving, yet unrelenting being. Sold to the performance and growth driven economy, aggressive cut-throat business pursuit and endurance sport activities as distraction, life was all about chasing numbers. What was I trying to be? I still do not know. Well today I am here to narrate the story of a break up. A happy one.

I would be lying if I say, I did enjoy the chase, but keep me engaged and numbed from the pain and emotions it did. I was good at the chase, with a mind tuned for polity, seeking validations and challenges and other dopamine sources. Did I take I pride in that? No. I was taught to be a Misfit, a name put to me by a few teachers. Years of trying to fit in, wearing camouflages, lying to the self, shifting ideologies, confusing emotions one day brought me to a cliff on a beautiful evening. I saw the last seven years of ups and downs and I realised I forgot the last time I was truly happy. Or truly felt any emotions without a burden of guilt or in its essence.

Would I jump off the cliff? The weariness of this race had drained me so much I did not have the energy for even that. Or rather I was never that brave to take a leap to the unknown ever. If there is one solution I trusted as the preserver of peace, and healer of pain it was death. That evening, I decide to tease her with words and invoke my pain with a pen, and later burn them down to symbolise my cremation. I would pass on this for a couple of years and find solace in this act of destruction. Was I trying to impress her? I do not know. Was she impressed? I am sure no, as she hasn’t made her choice to meet me yet.

While death has been an amazing romantic partner, whose power of destruction, dominance in life and inertness to emotions have always put me in awe, I was always unsure to embrace her myself. The attention seeker and a needy me wanted her to embrace me. My hiding had become too much of a pain and then found myself ending up being vulnerable to beings around. While I would regret the aftermath, I found this act interesting as it would fuel my evening’s craving to pen down, and burn again!! Only this time I would watch that story burn and call it closure.

Humans are the most complex beings, I was recently told by special someone. For someone faking to be numb, hiding all emotions exposing the self to another human is toughest act of valour. But even tougher is managing the energy to remain concealed and living a life devoid of trust, There wouldn’t have been the need for trust at all if humans weren’t so vulnerable. With a few attempts of finding trust ending in heartbreaks and pain again, I had decided to get back to the shell that I thought I had left at the cliff, but then to my surprise I find that I wouldn’t fit in there too.

With questions that had no answers and stories untold that I read through people I met, I found myself growing and evolving to somebody compassionate and forgiving. I had lost that urge to win every battles I choose. I had learnt to quit the battles before I bleed to death. I had learnt to forgive and not forget and most importantly, I had begun to enjoy the power of enduring pain. I had outgrown the shell and the clothes of camouflage that I had shelved in my pursuit on art, words and emotions. I had lost the purpose of chasing numbers. The rush of achievements have failed to repeat itself, familiarity, peace and safety took precedence over novelty.

One lazy day cherishing on my new found love of appreciating art, cars and beauty on Instagram, I find a piece of poetry that hid pain, pleasure. It was titled the “Mend” and I had stumbled on a mix of emotions that had never occurred to me ever. I decide to break up and my romance with death and for the first I talk to the author of this beautiful piece on life!!

What is in her that changed me so much? I do not know. Is it her relentless vigour to live, the way I had it for my chase? Her passion to read humans the way I read art? Her anguish on being toyed, her pursuit for justice and tireless journey towards her life she aims for? Her selfishness that is surpassed by her compassion? Or is it her selflessly introducing you to other set of beautiful humans around her like a princess introducing you to her treasure chest in her vault?

All I know is I had fallen for this human and had broken up with death. I know a betrayed death might come one day towards me to have her vengeance, but then I now shall make a lot of memories to boast unto her on the eve she arrives. Stories that shall make her jealous and shame her might with the power of love.

“The notion that one will not survive a particular catastrophe is, in general terms, a comfort since it is equivalent to abolishing the catastrophe. ” — Iris Murdoch

When I type down the keys for this post, I recollect the moments that would have made me the part of history. Yesterday, it was the seventh time, I had narrowly escaped something that would have been a fatal accident. While the earlier six were in Bangalore, this was the first of its kind in Kerala, that too on my ecstatic way down from the 900 meters high peak — Ponmudi.

I lost control towards the outer edge, nearly fixed and prepared mentally to sound the last prayers, when my cycle nearly 50 Kmph banged against a sign board that gave the count of the hairpin and was thrown away just to be inches apart from the fall onto the rocks below.

A very similar skid in Bangalore on my bike, which just stopped inches away from the bus ahead and my helmet shattered, just barely saving my head and life…

I did find a strange pattern in all these events, there are three different stages before the main event:

1. The driving stage: This is when we make decisions to go to the geography at the stipulated time where the event would have been destined. Though beyond our control, the mishap is simply avoidable if at all the entities do not assemble themselves in the location at the given time. But since, as of the day we do not have the means to know the future, let us say that this is beyond human control.
2. The preparation stage: This when you have nearly reached the location where the event would happen, and the environment prepares itself, may be in the form of rain wetting the road, or a break fault that would go unnoticed, or even a nasty dog that would jump your way. A little bit of control can be obtained by the old school safety measures, but they will never avoid the intended mishap.
3. The locking stage:  This is when you realize that you are entrapped into the plot, a very peculiar stage where time moves extremely slow. You are able to count even the fraction of a second. The graver the trap the smaller is the fraction. You see all the entities assembled, a picture of what happens next frays through your eyes. You frantically try to run off the trap, which only worsens the condition. Then you go numb, you see the deeds that matter to you the most, the people who you count on, you search for the last words you want to utter, lest it be recorded somewhere, and lo, the impact… This is extremely beyond your control, and it happens all within you. When its simply a second or two for the spectator it would look like you have traveled through your whole life. This one stage, no matter what will be fresh in your mind for days or even years to come.
4. The recovery stage: If you are the one whose time is not yet come, that is have a fate to live a little more ( so that those around you suffer for a little longer) then this stage comes in. You are unsure if you are alive or dead. You simply try to get back to your posture, you feel all is well… You look out for damages… A minute or too, you realize, all is not well… There are losses, but since you are out of the greater one, stand up a winner and prepare to your pursuit in life..

With all this, I come to conclude all these events in two different ways:

1. Its all a beautifully written script, where the entities put up a play to take away a needless soul, rehearsals to perfect the final play. The author of the script is adamant, that no entities should be called off before his/her stipulated time, thus brings in spoilers of the plot in terms of helmets, fences, posts and even doctors. One can only live awaiting his/her next call.
2. The second one is a competition between the ones who try to call you off, and the ones who protect you. The plot would have been scripted so well, but for a loop hole and those who protect make sure the loop hole plays its part. Here the spoilers mentioned above play the loophole part. But when the plot is fail proof, the destiny wins and hen you are aloft to the world of heavens.

Personally, I go with the first one as it makes more sense to me, and I believe nothing in the world can harm me, till there is a need for me to be on the face of the earth. And when the author finds me worthless to be on the face, you shall find me in the belly of the earth…

“To know Him in this life is to be true; not to know HJim in this life is the desolation of death.”

Calendars are replaced, resolutions made, merriness and hope around… The sun had set marking the death of 31st December 2015. The last day on earth for a few destined soul, while the last day of 2015 for the awaiting souls. 

Either way I see that the road leads to mortality, which indeed is the consoling part of it… 

There are a few realizations I take from the gamble of 2015; lessons?? Not really…

1. Existence  as a resource : I was shocked by the word resource being used at humans in the corporate world. That was the time I felt as a gadget who could be easily replaced, no matter how attached and bonded you be to the “owner” of the resources. No matter you address them with dignified and glorified titles, they just look out for the “use” in you
2. The Illusion of Being Wanted: There were instances were I was made to feel wanted and important. I was made to feel trustworthy. There were instances wherein the secrets closest to heart were shared, and opinions sought.  In no time did I realize that it was an illusion; and found my worthiness and qualities  being questioned. Soon did I see myself; a  replaceable entity. Though it did take time for me to accept the fact, I did find a way to be in peace with it.
3. The importance of restoring credibility :  The moral science at school may teach you to not heed those who tarnish you, but life did teach me otherwise. Life is all about seeking the assets lost. Its about protecting the territory around, keeping away the foes, who attempts to race to your throne. Its foolish to keep quite after being dethroned as is foolish to keep quite knowing your being dethroned. Life is not a race, but definitely its battle for the territory. Its about protecting the colors that define your life from being snatched. The vultures scoop down as soon as the colors illuminate your life.
4. The importance of expanding your territory :  To grow and expand is the need for any entity, be it a nation, an organization or an individual. Thus it does call for a need of Growth Strategy. For nations they may be set by the rulers, for the organization there would be the management, while for an individual, it is often set by the cultural and religious/spiritual background. When you question the policies, in the illusion of seeking the truth, you stagnate the growth. Focused ambitious immutable strides are necessary towards growth,  and that is often delivered through Faith and belief in destiny. To cut apart anything that hinders growth and distracts the self, we need to realize the need for existence, which is often defined by the Creator. It is with His help that we strengthen the fortress around us and seek for newer grounds of colors and prosperity.

True, that I was lured by the rebel in me, but it did teach me the hard facts. I was taught the same in 2007, which I did try questioning; the thoughts look invalid, but that is the price I pay for the freedom I beseech.

“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful.  It’s the transition that’s troublesome.”   –  Isaac Asimov 

To survive is the instinct of every living being, we find the predators attacking the prey, and the prey defend itself from the predators. Just a funny game we see every day in nature. Of the all the beings, its the human race that has gone to the extend of enjoying the survival game to that s/he almost have forgotten the mortality which too is a feature of every living being. The rational human; as he liked to be known (even the most irrational likes to be addressed so) dreams and plans on the earth as though he lives myriads of years. His selfish plans and the anguish he goes through to cater his fantasies often hides him from addressing the necessity of the universe. To die off from the face of earth. Though the human race is shamelessly mutant in its behavior and laws, the universe is adamant to keep up its laws and avail a fair chance for everyone… Thus it never fails to call back every soul on earth even though it has dwelt unaware or forgetful of this reality.

Many a times, the compassionate designer of nature gives you a chance to address the aspect of mortality, through signs and bells. It may be analogous to the countdown we have for events to take place. As far as ones soul is concerned, this departure is a major event in his/her life. It determines the futility and vagueness in his/her life. It reminds, that in principle, one is always alone and unprotected, no matter who promises to care for other. It shatters the fragile notions of love, belongingness and other fake emotions, but one… The worthiness of life.

What is it like when you get a warning from a medical diagnosis, which tags a probability for your survival in the coming days?? One of my favorite lines in this regard is:

“A small fact: You are going to die….does this worry you?” ― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief

It is forgetfully known to us all that we would die some day or the other!! Does a warning from the cliche hospital reports prepare you to fight this truth or prepare you to welcome and accept it?

I feel the preparation to accept the reality would put one at more peace.  Markus Zusak further pens in the same book:

“Humans, if nothing else, have the good sense to die.”

Yes, many a times we achieve nothing in life. We loose everything. When those who teach the values turn against itself, when we are mistrusted, when our attempts are disgraced, when our finances crack down. Above everything when the existence is questioned… All these are set backs or failures in which has a second person however important or trivial s/he would be is involved.  But very often, it takes only you and yourself to have a good sense to die. To realize the worthiness of life you lived, to address the utmost important roles, that would repay the luxury of your existence.

Often when fighting back, this good sense to  die is replaced by agony and pain. It is a disgrace to humanity that the survival instinct alone is highlighted as a victory whereas the acceptance of the honor for life, death is listed as cowardice.

The art of designing ones own death bed and a peaceful hereafter (which is supported in every spiritual school of thought) is of utmost necessity in the present world.

“I could die for you. But I couldn’t, and wouldn’t, live for you.” ― Ayn Rand, The Fountainhead

Since all life is futility, then the decision to exist must be the most irrational of all. — Emile M. Cioran

Ever since the beginning of coming to this world as a kid, the very question I was always fond was “Why?”. I was infamous at school for keeping on asking this during lectures, to my classmates. At home, to my dad, to the family friends, the relatives, be it warm or cold ones. Many a times I was encouraged, by my senior, but at times he himself did forbade me, saying I am off to limits. I know not, if it was engraved in me or genetically transmitted, but it is one question that matters to me a lot. I thus bade off my childhood satisfying with reasons I could hear and evaluate with my immature wisdom and very limited intellect.

When I grew up, I did see that irrational behavior was a natural phenomenon in every human life. A shallow introspection to the self, did throw up a lot more of irrationality within, which I was learnt to think was necessary for survival. I could see that in anyone who claimed to be taught by life, or claimed to be extremely rational. This irrational behavior has been recorded by the creator of the Dilbert comic strip, Scott Adams as “Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.”

It is often irrationality that complicate our life. Be it relationships, profession, business or spiritual dimensions of life, man is unsatisfied on events without reasoning, But often, s/he is unable to often contemplate and arrive at a rational understanding when s/he arrives at an unconvincing but often distracting explanation. This is often dictated across generations; the theory of tribulations and suffering in the form of illness due to blasphemy, the karma effect, the theme of rebirth based on past deeds etc.

Rational understanding relieves us of guilt remorse and other emotions that may creep in due to set backs. But often the irrationality of the mind overpowers and triumphs over the lessons learnt, it brings in fear and masks the reality, whereby our conscience, intuition all are morphed or influenced. The extreme triumph of irrationality commands one not to ask “Whys” anymore, but rather take away the irrationality and adapt a camouflage to suit the environment.

This when s/he felt disowned, where nothing worthy might be seen in the horizon. Life in fact becomes a mirage. It actually is, isn’t it?

Life is futile, but then the decision to exist…. Ain’t existence for futility IRRATIONAL????

“The fact that logic cannot satisfy us awakens an almost insatiable hunger for the irrational.” —A. N. Wilson

“To feel much for others and little for ourselves; to restrain our selfishness and exercise our benevolent affections, constitute the perfection of human nature.” — Adam Smith

 What does it take for a being to feel for his/her co-being unconditionally? What does it take to share your possessions to someone in need? Various “isms” have traded on these thoughts and tried out answering. There are ideologies that say stabilize the self and then begin giving back. Some say no matter what but sacrifice. Even capitalism, an ideology that is rooted in the survival instincts alone, speaks of social responsibilities, even though it calls for an imbalanced society for the survival of the ideology. When Adam Smith, talks  of perfect human nature one would expect it to be aligned to modern day rat  race, but it seems however you formalize human instincts they are not very much mutable… Thus the quote above.

I was on a ride today on the weekend, thought to escape the routine and explore the beauty of nature through the remote roads around Bangalore outskirts. Flaunting all my ridiculously expensive gears for biking I was aloft. On my return, I got giddy to the extend I could no more pedal, and being a sparsely populated road was resting on the road. My water supply had already exhausted, and wished I had a drink.

I could see vehicles passing by who hardly gave a look, to the tiresome me. Being expensive cars and en routed to Electronic City, I can assume a good percentage of them would have been the educated and privileged lot. Meanwhile a hand rickshaw wala stopped by, to ask what had come of me. Offered me water, helped me to get to the nearest hut, and rest. Neither did he ask my whereabouts nor did he seem curious.

The curious me asked him a lot, so as to know, at which he blurted out his truth. He and his wife, along with two children stays in a single roomed hut (Of course modern day roofing) with curtains partitioning the space into toilets and bed space. It was obvious that the children should be sent out for the couple to have any privacy of their own. Amazed and dumbstruck at the hospitality this man could provide out of so much what he have I dozed off. I was wakened by his wife with a bowl of broth brought to me, I could figure out that it could be the very little meal they could have for the day. So as to value the courtesy and love, I had a fair share from the same and asked leave.

All the man had to say is about the past of Bangalore, the good old days, when his land was not snatched. When he owned a lot and could produce a lot. The past two decades, he says the IT boom, did this to him. He has no complains for his motherland forgetting him in the race for development. All he is worried is will it avoid him and his children the mere bounties it has given to him. The very comfortable “home” he proudly owns. That he shares with anyone in need..

I know not, if the family figured out that I was one among the ambassadors that caused them this infliction, but if yes, then someone who loves their enemies too are far noble than one can imagine. For a moment, I though to relive my conscience with a heavy note as a token of gratitude for their care, but then I realized, that was the cheapest thing in my possession, the only thing I could afford to lose, and trying to call a price to their unconditional love and nobility would have been demeaning to the family. Thus restraining myself and wearing an intentional smile I began to pedal…

Throughout the ride back, my mind kept wandering of what I do to this place and its people, round the clock, through the week. I also wondered of those in the flashy vehicles who are just like me, of course the ambassadors representing the homeland on the race track.

I could attribute his afflictions to the population growth, inflation and other myriads of socio-economic terminologies, but still a million dollar question remains!! What did it cost him to be there and me to be who I am today? Even strange a question is, when we realize after all what his fellow beings have done to him, why and why does he protect the very same men who are his foes?

“Capitalism does not permit an even flow of economic resources. With this system, a small privileged few are rich beyond conscience, and almost all others are doomed to be poor at some level. That’s the way the system works. And since we know that the system will not change the rules, we are going to have to change the system.”

Martin Luther King, Jr.

“I never thought much of the courage of a lion tamer. Inside the cage he is at least safe from people.”  George Bernard Shaw

“It is impossible to learn anything if not the hard way…” says the teacher. “Risks are worth taking, without the hardships you do not attain anything”… says the corporate trainer. “Sharpen your entrepreneurial skills and be unconventional …” says the employer. “Be different …” says the parents.

None of you would be unaware the above statements as these are what we come across through in our daily life at various stages. It is worth thinking how well do we mean the above statements, and how well do we do justice to the same. Man, the highest form of living being is one among the very few animals that are born nearly without any appreciable instincts for self sustenance.

Constant caring and parenting makes him/her capable to face the life and sustain, that too not as an individual but within a society, where ample support and help is availed for the sustenance. All s/he learns is  to seek for this help and support from the co-beings in an effective and less tampering form; and of course a few basic natural instincts. The very rule for achieving it is being fearless and not being aware of security. And the nature had designed us such that we do not bother about any forms of threats or hazards at the younger age. When we see the babies learning to keep their stride, one can realize the task we often execute is so tedious and risky yet they try hard unaware of the hazards.

Babies learn to swim easily as they are unaware of the potential threats of water. In fact they love almost anything that is pleasurable and mindlessly tries out anything that excites. But then when the child is wise enough to realize the meaning of failure, which is often reinforced by the society into the minds, s/he realizes the vulnerability within him/her. Then arises the need to feel secure and thus inhibits his/her capabilities and then reduces to become the average student or individual. This is often the definition of a successful individual in many social structure.

If we look at the development phase of the human race we could say that it has come to a saturation now. There are not much inventions occurring in the past few decades. We do not see new ideologies or thought structures involving at least since a century. There are not much discussion or debates over the definition of the human beings all because of the fear of losing the sense of security which mankind feels has been earned. Any thoughts or policies that negates the conventional mode is seen anti-social. One can read the latest incident of 9th grade student being detained for bringing a self made circuit clock to the school in this aspect. Keeping apart the social stigma towards the race and color he belongs, it is his instinct to question the present dogma that is being attacked. And very often it is humans that we fear the most. Or rather the challenges the fellow beings pose us. That is where the previously quoted words of Bernard Shaw prevails importance.

I do feel this craving to feel secure and safe is what is going to deter and cause the extinction of this race. We have grown so lazy and attached to our comfort zone. We do not want anything to be disturbed, and wish everything to be predictable and as wished. This is not limited to the society or the community, but even for an individual … After all a society is nothing but a projection of individuals on a multiplicative scale.

On a personal note, I had gone through a few instances where fear had groped me the past few days. All that was in the mind was to flee, which is often that comes to the minds when threatened.  It indeed is the first response towards threat by any living being organism, with no exception to the highest form. I was gifted to be pointed out who I really was and what I had to do, and that is when the real sense of security came back. I am still vulnerable, but a mythical sense of safety and security alludes me, after all the entire concept of safety and security converges to a mythical point, albeit very essential to sustain.

So, who did really give me safety? Who really did protect me? One who could put a mirror in m mind to look into what I really am. We all do have some who does that, isn’t it. Explicit help is something we always get at any time in need, but this protection and pull back, is priceless and am grateful and thankful for the someone for the same.

For the amicable sustenance , it is this sort of protectors and granters of safety we need at the societal and global level. In fact they are never born but are created. Every individual who had been on the receiving end can be a granter, and that itself will be a huge step towards the betterment.

But again how is it about feeling safe or secure? Or is it about the growth, adrenaline, fun and learning? I guess its a demolition and restoration of the same on a need basis.

“If you’re just safe about the choices you make, you don’t grow.” — Heath Ledger. Indeed the legend did grow beyond bounds, just that he was too very short lived.

“I don’t even remember the season. I just remember walking between them and feeling for the first time that I belonged somewhere.” ― Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Workplaces have always been a ground of immense learning and experience for me. It has gifted me the unexpected, taken me through the joyful and perilous memories. Strange enough even after being aware that I will have to part the place and everything around is highly dynamic, I try to adhere to whatever around. The people around me have come from extended geographies each with goals and aspirations of their own, none comparable to other. But here, they find a lot in common and appreciate the diversities and begin to weave the dreams together. This makes every place I go a second home, which attracts love, affection, care etc. towards me. Until one day, I read the changes, the home signals me to depart. One can feel it in the blood and flesh that everything around slowly asks you to depart.

Thiruvananthapuram, and its pride, the Technopark, had the space for me for a year. When I enter the firm I worked for the past one year, little did I know it would be bountiful and little even did I think of the pain one day I will have to incur upon leaving its gate. Even little did I know that the person who did interview me would become an inevitable important character of my life. I had thought of policies from self-help books, that taught us to separate lives (professional space/personal space), but all in vain. Little did I know, very powerful characters who would influence my thoughts would arrive. Little did I know, this very short assignment was for nothing, but a realization and an introspection of the self. Never in the wildest of my dreams, did I see me talking out the real history to any mortal, but here at Trivandrum, I found myself doing it. Thus this city, becomes the dearest where I have ever been. This city had changed a lot in the usual obstinate me. Little dd I know this is where I will relearn to dream, and yes I am grateful ever for that in life.

When I cast in my resignation, I could see numerous changes around me. I could see many of the relationships already ceasing to exist. I could see warm and undefined relationships develop for no particular cause. I could also realize and believe that there are relationships that are inseparable and immutable by distance.

Once when I received the relieving order in hand, and the immediate door of the cabin I was in failed to recognize me, I realized, I am no more for the firm I work in. The security personnel who used to greet every morning will cease to know me. Everything around will be pretty much the same. Every morning the sun will set ablaze the Golden Peak that I rode on, the winds at the beaches will continue to chatter and sing, the beautiful rivers and campuses will continue protecting and soothing its visitors. It is just I am not its part anymore. In another words, the city has opted to forget me, till ….

“You don’t have a home until you leave it and then, when you have left it, you never can go back.”
― James Baldwin, Giovanni’s Room

“For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” — Nelson Mandela

To be free is the desire of every human being. How free? This depends on the state, needs and the promises an individual has been “enslaved” to. We see absolute free men yearning for a curb in the freedom, for example a completely democratic country may feel an aristocratic rule might have given them more means to sustenance. Or a man liberated out of belief system may yearn to believe in something and choose to belief exactly the converse of what he felt was futile and meaningless. All these are a choice of an individual.

Over the years, I had chosen not only to be free, but award freedom to all around me. I used to think this meant liberating.. I used to believe in Jim Morrison when he said “Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free“. I did believe freedom is being fearless. I believed exposing the inner fears of any individual would liberate them and then freedom would be rewarded. When Socrates was given Hemlock he for the justice of the rule of land drank it because he was liberated, of the fear, fear of his disciples’ future, fear of his credibility, above all fear of death. These were what I stood for and believed. I used to shell off mythical sense of reliability and security. I never gave hopes or glimpses of these beams though mythical but are thin lives to fuel the desires and ambition.

Ambition and pursuance often curb and influence the actual sense of freedom, that is fearlessness. It is often the lack of content and desire for relative excellence, that leads to ambition. The sense of absolute excellence often points out to the futility of these goals. Whatever that can be achieved through ambitions and pursuance often seems to be futile, something that might succumb to a greater force that is more ambitious and more pursuing. Thus I always take the two great forces; ambition and persistence, as a litmus to identify futile fruits of life.

As I stated earlier, I have been finding joy in trying to liberate minds. The process is often painful, when one goes through it, they feel their freedom infringed. It is painful for the self when even after being liberated and sanguine, there is a crave for the mythical senses of security which is product of fear. When it is the qualification to count on the other that those around you look for in the process of liberation, one can never give such fragile hopes, since that too is a product of fear. That may mislead people to think, one cannot be trusted upon, or even that one may be cold blooded.

But in fact history shows, ambitious Napoleon, Pharaohs of Egypt, Adolf Hitler and Alexander the Great whom people could count on have spread out their powerful pursuance to protect their fragile promises and premises. The Moguls are another example, whose ambition has been rewarded for centuries. What awaits in this world for a free man, might only be what was rewarded to the not so ambitious Jesus, the order to be crucified, or even the death of Hemlock to Socrates. Freedom need not even be a person of the chains. It is said a man chained to his limbs, in a solitary confined cell, awaiting his gallows often do feel the sense of freedom, if he’s gone fearless and has absolute realization.

The thought might be traumatizing and panicking

The futile fruits are often alluring and distracting, which can debacle the principles. And the reactions from those around you too will confuse you for once.

Should you let them know the pleasure of liberation, or grant them the freedom to be chained to the futile fruits of ambition?

I am strayed and confused….. I am in pain. When will the Hemlock arrive?

“Most people do not really want freedom, because freedom involves responsibility, and most people are frightened of responsibility.” ― Sigmund Freud, Civilization and Its Discontents

When I look down to myself two decades ahead, what I remember is the rhetoric question I was asked whenever I refused any obligation during my childhood. “What do you mean?” . Little did I know the meaning of the word “mean” and its implication then. Until today, where I am dumbstruck and awed by the diverse explanations and philosophical notions on a simple thought that disturbs me. “What do I mean?” Or in another words, what is the meaning of my presence . At every point I met individuals, clerics, (loved) and loathed ones, relatives who all at first tried to teach the meaning… And sooner or later, when in absolute necessity I could find almost all of them disappear into thin space, wherein they got busy in their own quest for “the meaning”.

Though man is defined as a social being, . Solitude in fact arises from being busy in the search space… What do we search for? We name it as wealth, salvation, love, etc. We even go farther and call it “the meaning of life”.

But often one can find that when many of the mortals already have a defined state or meaning for existence, man makes his own essence and gives meaning to his existence through the choices he makes. The essence is often influenced by the experiences gathered in life, utmost important of them being the childhood, while the choices flavors the essence.

Philosophers like Aristotle, Plato, John Paul Sartre and others have tried to ease the understanding of the above said meaning of existence as states of being. The simplest interpretation being that of Sartre in his “Being and Nothingness”. He strongly opposes the principle of potentiality, where things evolve to higher and higher forms so as realize their essential nature.

According to Sartre the meaning of existence could be put forth as three states of being.:

• Being in itself – This state is bounded by facticity and an essence. This explains the physical presence and establishes that things are nothing more than they actually are. The deterministic nature of human body and its physical space can be realized by this state of being.
• Being for itself – The being of individuals and its existence is defined by this state of being. Though mutually exclusive it is a blend of the above state and this, that makes the existence real. This is often characterized by the freedom of choice to exercise. This state allows for the transcendence over facticity through the aforesaid freedom. Thus humans are much more than mere situations.
• Being for others – The meaning of existence is incomplete without an insight over the societal existence. This state of being, explains the interaction between two humans, which often completes the meaning of existence. It is argued to be one of the most difficult state to understand and realize. The characteristics of an individual is often what plays a key role in the realization of this state.

When the first two states provide the strength for human existence, it is the last state that distinguishes individual identity within a society. The society calls for strong beings that stand for others. The innate nature of humans are to stand for others, which is why we find a lot of people desperately trying to teach us the meaning of life. But one should know to call out from the society when his/her existence for others is no longer required since unnecessary presence often prove hazardous and demeaning the significance of existence to either parties. The strength acquires from facticity along with the freedom to transcende triggers the withdrawal, which is when the meaning of existence is realized.